do i believe in Him?

I mean I've got nth to lose for believing in Him. But I just think that it already takes me long enough to believe in a person, it would take me much longer to believe in someone or something that I dunno if it even exists. It doesn't just take me the length of a movie or a person's sharing time to make me believe. Those who did, I doubt if that's real. Just because you prayed and claimed that you have accepted Him, does that make you a better person already, does it make you a christian, or does it mean that He accepts you as well? People all talked about how He has helped them when they were in their worst case scenario. I would argue that they are just looking at things in a super optimistic point of view. I would not resist what He has to tell me cuz I'm so used to what they are trying to get you to do. I've been in this kind of occasion since I was in elementary school. I dunno...It's just really hard for me to believe in anything or anyone. But I am hoping to change.

I LUV Criminal Minds so much!!!

So my best buddy has brought me into a wonderful world: The world of Criminal Minds. OMG, I just love the show so much. People are so cool and smart about what they do: profile people and catch the serial killers. Totally my heroes....And y'all know how I like the CSI shows...but now I just love Criminal Minds [muah muah] XD.. I still like CSI tho [ahem] ...Oh Oh, and the quotes from every episode are cool and meaningful too. Here is one of them:

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got ther first, and is waiting for it."
---Terry Pratchett

Don't forget to watch it!!! It's the best. (at least for me) :P

This is only the beginning.!?

I sorta had a good start in April...Until the department at the graduate school verifies my final GPA, I'll be officially accepted into the Criminalistics graduate program (yes! it is forensic science!!!). This is what they told me in the letter. I would still be worried unless I got a "real" official acceptance letter from the department. [sigh] This is just how they do things...postponed the application deadline without notifying anyone, added another prerequisite course without notifying anyone again, and this time they did notify me about the status of my application but it's not confirmed!!! What do they want from me!!!?? I am starting to lose my patience on everything. And when people begin to tell me what and how I should do things, I will lose my temper too!! Recently, I've been learning to not show any emotional expression on my face cuz I was told that it was just too easy to guess what the hell I was thinking. I don't want people to know what I'm thinking no more...cuz that would make those people think that they are sOooooooooo smart! And there was this girl...she thinks she is everything..just pissed me off...always acts so friendly n nice in front of me and asks for favors all the time. Ok, it's not like I'm waiting for her to pay me back or anything...I just need a little respect...perhaps just a little tiny thank-you will do!!? And she always pretends to help me out a lot but who knows what she told the others behind my back. You may say I'm just being cynical but this is what is happening to me. Now, I needa find a way to break the bond between us. Darn it....Can't my life just be hypocrite-free????